Sunday, January 23, 2005

The Not-So-Fantastic Four Movie

As a kid I loved the Fantastic Four. They were right up there with the X-Men and just behind Spidey in my comic hierarchy. The family dynamic of the group always attracted me. They bickered and fought and kicked the ass of anyone who messed with them. And I found Ben Grimm/the Thing particularly intriguing.

Well, this summer they do to the Fantastic Four what they did to Daredevil. How do I know? Let's compare some pictures. Here's the Fantastic Four as I remember them. And here too. Here's a production photo from the film.

First, Jessica Alba is entirely too hot to be Sue Storm.

Second, doesn't she look older than her younger brother Johnny Storm/the Human Torch?

Last, look at Ben Grimm/The Thing from the movie. It's Michael Chiklis in an lame orange suit! You can see the seams. He even looks like he has a beer belly. Dude, it's the Thing. Compare that to some classic comic images here, here, and here.

I thought they would use CGI to create the Thing. Sort of Golum but bigger. But no, they put a freaking guy in a suit. And not even a big guy. How can this NOT suck?


Blogger David Blue said...

First, Jessica Alba is not entirely too hot to be Sue Storm. That's one of the things they got right. In old-school Fantastic Four, everybody in the world agrees Sue Storm is an awesome beauty. There's no question why Namor, the king of the sea, would risk all for her. So this is one of the times when Hollywood is completely justified in putting the hottest blonde they could find up there.

If they were going to make maximum use of the wild 60s look, and I would have, they should have followed through with Sue Storm big hair. But they didn't take that option as far as I can see, so what we see is fine.

The problem with the ages of Sue and Johnny Storm is only a problem with the movie version of the Torch. He looks badly wrong. There must be loads of young actors who'd be physically fine for the Torch and can do their own version of James Dean well enough to make the part work. Why compromise?

Also, their Reed Richards is sort of all right. Sort of. But I think for Reed, what you want above all is a big guy with head-of-the-table masculine presence - Major Robinson from the TV show Lost In Space.

The orange suit is sad. Nowadays technology is advancing so fast that if you can't do a superhero movie hero right, you should just wait till you can. They didn't wait.

7:11 PM  

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