Monday, June 21, 2004

Michael Moore: You are the Paris Hilton of Political Criticism, Now Please Sue Me

Here's a quote from the Slob Himself:

"Any attempts to libel me will be met by force,'" Fahrenheit 9/11 director Michael Moore told the New York Times on Sunday (June 20, 2004). "The most important thing we have is truth on our side. If they persist in telling lies, knowingly telling a lie with malice, then I'll take them to court."

Ok, let's get started. Obviously saying you're a fat, self-obsessed tool isn't libel, it's plain ole fact. How about this:

Michael Moore - you're a disorganized, small minded, faux-hipster getting a sick little woody from pretending to be oh-so-radical with your feeble 'critique' of the Bush administration. You're an overgrown (way, way overgrown) adolescent who believes his love of the sound of breaking glass is a philosophical position. You live in a twinkie-filled pantry lined with mirrors and are convinced that the endless reflections of your opinions are really facts. You're a punk, inflated by a sad desire to be Important.

Michael Moore - you're the only film maker I can think of to appear on the poster for three of your own so-called documentaries. You are irredeemably stupid. And moreover you are wrong. Not wrong in the sense of getting this or that fact incorrect (although that too) but wrong in a larger, deeper sense. You are Wrong. The fragments of half-baked conspiracy theories (which you stole from people who are at least bright enough to dream them up) are wrong. The fantasies of history and politics you think are profound are too silly to even qualify as wrong (like the kids who think Super-Man can beat up Mighty Mouse). Your notions (you're not smart enough to have ideas) of America are wrong.

Michael Moore - you're stupid enough to believe your incoherence is really a broad argument. You're smart enough to pronounce the word 'hegemony' but not smart enough to know what it means. You're smart enough to know that America has a history but not disciplined enough to understand it as anything but a cartoon. You had one of your sycophants skim the Cliff Notes to world history and your Hindenburg ego tells you that you're brilliant enough to comment on it.

Michael Moore - your insecurity coats you like a glistening slime. You think the world is a conspiracy because that makes you feel smart for figuring it out. And you need to feel smart. Revealing the Grand Conspiracy makes you feel powerful and you need to feel powerful. It makes you feel important, as if people liked you. And you desperately need to feel liked.

Michael Moore - you're to political criticism what Paris Hilton is to acting. You're both emotionally desolate, intellectually empty, camera worshipping media whores who have confused infamy with importance. You are both entirely devoted to your own image and you are both entirely devoid of content. You both believe with a religious fervor that if something doesn't happen on film, it didn't happen at all. Hence it doesn't matter. You both zealots of self-promotion who find the Image more profound than Life.

Michael Moore, you are a sad, scared, impotent little boy.

Please have your lawyer email me with details on the lawsuit.


Blogger Marcel said...

LOL. Dude, you rule. It really is sad to think how many people think this moore shmuck is really on to something with his manipulative movies. Keep up the good work on Rant Wraith.

3:48 PM  
Blogger reverse_vampyr said...

Michael Moore's lawyer might not contact you, but mine certainly will (for making me laugh so hard, I snorted Red Bull out of my nose). You completely pegged Moore, and I love the way you described him. Especially the "sad, scared, impotent little boy". Seems to really fit, given what we have seen of him.

2:13 PM  

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