Wednesday, June 16, 2004

World Going to Shit but 14 Days until Spiderman 2

Let’s review our current situation.

As we’ve seen in some detail, Saudi Arabia is facing a serious revolutionary challenge from al Qaeda. Clown Prince Abdullah "warned that the Kingdom’s patience with terrorists was running out" (insert punchline here). He still refers to the terrorists as "criminals" which means he isn't taking this as seriously as he needs to. But don't worry, he said that "within the coming few days" the Kingdom would take more action.

Iran is building the bomb. It won’t be long before they simply declare that they in fact have produced a fusion weapon, probably through an underground test. Today Iran threatened to resume enriching uranium if the matter is taken to the UN Security Council. Iran has already demanded that it be recognized as a nuclear nation and plans to build a heavy-water reactor capable of producing weapons grade plutonium. Government sponsored newspapers have already suggested that Iran follow North Korea's precedent. "Finally the only logical way is to pull out of the Non-Proliferation Treaty."

Pakistan teeters near chaos. President Musaref has narrowly survived several assassination attempts. A top general was nearly killed in Karachi last week in a well coordinated bomb and gunfire attack. Six soldiers and two policemen were killed. The Pakistani military has used bombers, artillery, jet fighters, and helicopters to attack foreign fighters (“Afghan Arabs” affiliated with al Qaeda) and tribal groups hostile to the government in Islamabad. Sunni terrorists routinely murder Shia by the dozens. Rocket attacks, threats against foreign aid workers, strikes by religious groups: a full-spectrum shithole with atomic missiles.

Now the good news, only two weeks until Spiderman 2 opens nationwide.

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