Thursday, May 27, 2004

Whiney Babies Whine and Whine Some More

Gas prices too high? I know, let’s take some oil out of the Strategic Petroleum Reserve. That’ll lower gas prices.

Hey! Put down that nozzle jerkweed! It’s the Strategic reserve, not the convenience reserve. Think prices are high now? How high will they be if Islamists sabotage the Saudi pipelines? Or over throw the Saudi government? Shit, you will long for the days of $2 gas. You’ll sit around and wax nostalgic for $2.50 a gallon gas when it’s $10 or $20 or it’s being rationed by the government.

The reserve exists to deal with a serve oil crisis, not to lower prices so it’s cheaper to take your girlfriend to the mountains in your Dodge Ram 1500. Get a Prius, bozo.

People sometimes say “we are addicted to oil.” That’s sort of right. But we aren’t addicted like to a recreational drug. We aren’t smacked out of heroine. We aren’t crack junkies or even pot heads. We don’t use oil just because it feels good. We need it. We are addicted to oil like someone addicted with a life-threatening illness is addicted to his medicine. We need oil to live. Literally. Without imported oil, life grinds to a halt. Nothing moves. People die. So suck it up buttercup. It ain’t getting any cheaper.

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